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| Photo from Warriors.com |
In response to veteran free-agent center Jason Collins’s announcement in Sports Illustrated
that he is gay, the Golden State Warriors emphatically answered the question of
whether or not there were more gay athletes to be found on the rosters of
America’s pro sports teams. In a
statement issued late Monday afternoon, franchise point guard Stephen Curry
declared, “The strong network of gay NBA players, coaches, and front office
people has long been assembling a rolodex of gay players. Only in recent years have they attempted to
aggregate us onto one team. Owners Joe
Lacob and Peter Gruber have been incredibly supportive of the cause, making myriad
trades and roster moves to assemble all the talent – double entendre intended – the
Bay Area could handle. We intend to ride - pun intended - this momentum into the second round of the
playoffs in the name of Harvey Milk and in the name of lambskin leather pants.”
In a memo, Lacob declared: “The lynchpin of the whole endeavor was the
Bogut trade,” in which the Warriors shipped away notoriously straight fan
favorite Monta Ellis to the Bucks in return for Andrew Bogut and Stephen
Jackson. “Obviously no one wants Stephen Jackson to poison their roster, but we
knew we could move him back to the Spurs, where Gregg Popovich can turn
discarded newspaper into viable guardplay.
And we knew we’d be rounding out our gay roster with the fabulous Richard Jefferson
in return.” Jefferson, Curry pointed
out, is “literally the gayest player I’ve ever seen,” and fit right onto the
nigh-exclusively-gay roster. The timing of the Collins announcement could not have been better for the Warriors, who added ultra-gay rookies Harrison Barnes and Klay Thompson through last year's draft. Barnes, last year’s
number one pick, was heard saying, “When I heard [injured
forward David Lee] hit the high notes, I knew I was in the right
place.”
In a comment to reporters, Lee bragged, “We totally could’ve
swept the Nuggets if we didn’t commit our last 90 minutes of practice last
Thursday to sticking the finale from Hair.
I won’t lie - I’m a total perfectionist. I see myself as much an actor-director as I do a player-coach." Asked if it played into stereotypes for the
gay team to be based out of San Francisco, Lee wondered aloud, “Maybe it
does. But it was an ownership decision –
and from the accounts I’ve heard, Lacob and Gruber slept together “within
minutes" of meeting.” Air-quotes and flair all
Lee.
